Mrs. Chapman (if you're nasty)

Yes, I have been waiting months to use that title-- my apologies to JJ.

So I done got married this weekend. You can find most of the details here (Thanks, Sarah! My brain is not yet back in blogging mode and as of yet I have no pictures to share-- yours are lovely!)

Here's my Harper's Index version of the wedding:

Weather forecast for the day: Rain, at times DRENCHING (Weather gods evidently did NOT receive my burnt offerings-- next time I'll use FedEx.)

My mood, in spite of indifferent and uncooperative deities: ecstatic

Items I forgot to pack: rain coat, cell phone charger, deodorant, Eric's wedding band

Number of single-malts consumed at the Top of the East by my male relatives before the ceremony: 4-5

Percentage of eligible ladies my Dude of Honor busted moves on: 100

Number of phone numbers collected by the Dude: 1

Number of guests who missed the bus: 2

Percentage of my heart that broke when I realized this: >5, though it was quickly repaired when I saw them at the reception

Seconds after telling myself "I'm going to get through this without crying" that I started crying: about 3

Number of times I yelled "Rigatoni" during and after the ceremony: lost count

Bites of (gorgeous and delicious) wedding cake consumed: 1

Pounds of (gorgeous and delicious) wedding cake left over: approximately 150

Number of songs added to my playlist by the Mad Bitches: 8

Percentage of those songs played at the reception: 100%

Personal favorite: "Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe

Wardrobe malfunctions: 0, despite vigorous booty-shaking

It's not a party without: Dude of Honor booting on the head table, mother of the bride dancing suggestively and unironically to "Bitch" by the Rolling Stones, stepmother-in-law teaching my friends to pole dance

Number of brides at the Top of the East later that night (not including myself): 2

Number who turned down my invitation to a dance-off: 2

Comment that has surely earned me my place in Hell: "Yeah, they'll all be divorced in 6 months anyway!"

So "Did we or didn't we?": yes, yes we did

Best $50 ever spent: Fuji Instax camera

Approximate value of the Fuji Instax photographs in my guest book: priceless

Bridezilla moment I want to remember: hurling myself sobbing onto the couch when our photographer cancelled a month before the wedding, giving myself a well-deserved lump on the head in the process.

Bridezilla moment I want to forget: constantly nagging Eric. He has been the best boyfriend for 13 years, and he is the best husband I could possibly ask for. I would go through the whole process and marry him again tomorrow.

Awesomeness of the past week on a scale of 1-10: 11

Hiatus

My wedding is less than three months away. It's summer. I've tried-- ok, not really, but I've felt guilty about it, which requires about the same amount of energy-- but I'm going to have to admit that this blog is not a priority in my life right now. I'm officially taking a break until October-- any objections? Thought not.

Dear Interns

Today's your big day! You may not have known this, but July 1st is also a special day for nurses at teaching hospitals. It's something of an unofficial holiday. The brand spanking new residents are now on the job and today's the day we start breaking them in. I got to do some recon during my ACLS class Monday and Tuesday-- some random observations:

• You are all so young and precocious! I can tell how smart, conscientious, and ambitious you are just by looking at you! I would like to take pictures of you secretly and send them to your mothers so they can die happy.
  
• Surgery residents: it's really too soon for you to look so bitter and uptight and act so cold and haughty. Were you born that way? Also, are you allowed to wear anything but OR scrubs and long white lab coats? And are you allowed to sit with the other residents, or will you become contaminated?
  
• Many of you have that air of capability. I would like to to be on call this weekend, please.
• Some of you seem uncomfortable giving orders. Don't worry-- we're happy making up our own.
• A few of you seemed cocky. I don't like cocky. Few people do. Please know what you're doing or I will develop an intense dislike for you. Some nurse with bigger ones than I have will soon rip you a new one. I will probably just call you at 3AM because my patient wants a stool softener.
  

Anyway, welcome and good luck. We usually have food on R7, so feel free to come visit and get to know us. If we know you, you are less likely to end up with an embarrassing nickname like "Mini Pony."

Love,

Aimee

P.S. I'm not joking. See if you can guess which one of your colleagues is Mini Pony.

Fulfillment

The past week has been just lovely, despite my struggles with the transverse abominus.

• I have spent part of every day outside, thanks to fabulous weather.
  
• Last Saturday I got PTO-- we went to a belly-dance performance (the best people-watching experience I have had in months) and out for a drink at the Top of the East.
• Sunday we hiked Mount Cutler in Hiram-- an old favorite.
• Friday we met some old high school friends for a night out in the Old Port. Turns out nothing gets people crazy in Portland like that John Denver classic "Take Me Home, Country Roads"
• Yesterday we hiked Mount Jackson in the White Mountains of NH with Chip, my dear friend Alicia's husband. I have not been on top of a 4,000 foot mountain in a long time. Along the Appalachian Trail in NH are a series of "huts" where you can have a hot meal and a shower at the end of a long hike-- we stopped at one of these for a bit yesterday, and now I think I'd like to make a week-long trip next summer hiking hut-to-hut.
  

Weak and pathetic

Lesson for the day: three months of Core Fusion three times a week does not equal core strength. Two weeks ago I strained my back lifting a patient-- I'm pretty familiar with this injury now, as this is now the fourth occurrence. It's been almost a whole year since my last injury, which I attribute to more rigorous ab work.

Since this is my fourth lower back injury-- I should add that none of them have been serious-- the helpful NP at employee health suggested I could benefit from physical therapy to strengthen my core. I went along with the idea, pretty sure that physical therapy would pronounce me fit and strong as a proverbial fiddle. Pride goeth before a fall, as they say.

Today was my first PT session. The therapist had lay on the table with a pressure biofeedback pillow-- a kind of fancy blood pressure cuff for physical therapists-- under the small of my back. I was instructed to suck in my belly button and then kick my feet one at a time while keeping the manometer needle stable. This sounds easy but is laughably difficult. Turns out, I'm weak in my transverse abdominus (I'm renaming it the transverse abominus). The PT did give me an A for effort-- as in, I know what I'm supposed to do, I just can't do it. Great. Now I have to do this and some other exercises for 15 minutes a day.

Now I'm spending way too much time worrying about whether or not I'm sucking in my belly button correctly. If you see me with that faraway look on my face, I'm probably practicing. Maybe that explains Paris Hilton's vacant stare-- she's working her transverse abominus! I'll try not to do this while I'm driving-- I promise.

New leaf

According to my ledger book, May was a long and expensive month. I spent a lot of money and didn't blog much. So this month, I'm going to try to spend less and blog more. I write this as I sit beside an unopened box from Marais USA that contains these:
(They have a wedge heel that is not visible in this picture. I want to marry them. Sorry Eric.)

I also have a box of returns to send to J.Crew tomorrow. Oh, what a good girl am I.

Today I slept like it was my job-- 9AM-4PM! If there is a God, then thank you, God.

Eight new/old books (and one I already had-- oops)

May is whizzing by, and I'm not sticking to my reading list. I can't even find Gilead. It was really good, too. Damn.

I acquired the following from Cunningham's and Crow Books (in Portland and Burlington, respectively):

• The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton (currently reading, but I left it at work, and now I'm home sick with my third freaking cold of 2009. Fuck.)
  
• The Good Soldier by Ford Madox Ford
• Out of Africa by Isak Dinesen
• Vineland by Thomas Pynchon
• A Month in the Country by J.L. Carr (turns out I have this already-- ok, I knew I had this already, but I had to have the NYRB Classics edition. Anyone want to read a very lovely short novel?)
• Will You Please Be Quiet, Please? by Raymond Carver
• The Hill Bachelors by William Trevor-- have to shout out Nicole for giving me my first William Trevor book Cheating at Canasta. He effing rocks.
• Other Voices, Other Rooms by Truman Capote.
  
• By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept by Elizabeth Smart. Love the title.

I have two crates of books to sell at Yes Books-- this weekend, I hope. I'm going to try very hard to take the check rather than store credit.