Dear Interns

Today's your big day! You may not have known this, but July 1st is also a special day for nurses at teaching hospitals. It's something of an unofficial holiday. The brand spanking new residents are now on the job and today's the day we start breaking them in. I got to do some recon during my ACLS class Monday and Tuesday-- some random observations:

• You are all so young and precocious! I can tell how smart, conscientious, and ambitious you are just by looking at you! I would like to take pictures of you secretly and send them to your mothers so they can die happy.
  
• Surgery residents: it's really too soon for you to look so bitter and uptight and act so cold and haughty. Were you born that way? Also, are you allowed to wear anything but OR scrubs and long white lab coats? And are you allowed to sit with the other residents, or will you become contaminated?
  
• Many of you have that air of capability. I would like to to be on call this weekend, please.
• Some of you seem uncomfortable giving orders. Don't worry-- we're happy making up our own.
• A few of you seemed cocky. I don't like cocky. Few people do. Please know what you're doing or I will develop an intense dislike for you. Some nurse with bigger ones than I have will soon rip you a new one. I will probably just call you at 3AM because my patient wants a stool softener.
  

Anyway, welcome and good luck. We usually have food on R7, so feel free to come visit and get to know us. If we know you, you are less likely to end up with an embarrassing nickname like "Mini Pony."

Love,

Aimee

P.S. I'm not joking. See if you can guess which one of your colleagues is Mini Pony.