Mrs. Chapman (if you're nasty)

Yes, I have been waiting months to use that title-- my apologies to JJ.

So I done got married this weekend. You can find most of the details here (Thanks, Sarah! My brain is not yet back in blogging mode and as of yet I have no pictures to share-- yours are lovely!)

Here's my Harper's Index version of the wedding:

Weather forecast for the day: Rain, at times DRENCHING (Weather gods evidently did NOT receive my burnt offerings-- next time I'll use FedEx.)

My mood, in spite of indifferent and uncooperative deities: ecstatic

Items I forgot to pack: rain coat, cell phone charger, deodorant, Eric's wedding band

Number of single-malts consumed at the Top of the East by my male relatives before the ceremony: 4-5

Percentage of eligible ladies my Dude of Honor busted moves on: 100

Number of phone numbers collected by the Dude: 1

Number of guests who missed the bus: 2

Percentage of my heart that broke when I realized this: >5, though it was quickly repaired when I saw them at the reception

Seconds after telling myself "I'm going to get through this without crying" that I started crying: about 3

Number of times I yelled "Rigatoni" during and after the ceremony: lost count

Bites of (gorgeous and delicious) wedding cake consumed: 1

Pounds of (gorgeous and delicious) wedding cake left over: approximately 150

Number of songs added to my playlist by the Mad Bitches: 8

Percentage of those songs played at the reception: 100%

Personal favorite: "Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe

Wardrobe malfunctions: 0, despite vigorous booty-shaking

It's not a party without: Dude of Honor booting on the head table, mother of the bride dancing suggestively and unironically to "Bitch" by the Rolling Stones, stepmother-in-law teaching my friends to pole dance

Number of brides at the Top of the East later that night (not including myself): 2

Number who turned down my invitation to a dance-off: 2

Comment that has surely earned me my place in Hell: "Yeah, they'll all be divorced in 6 months anyway!"

So "Did we or didn't we?": yes, yes we did

Best $50 ever spent: Fuji Instax camera

Approximate value of the Fuji Instax photographs in my guest book: priceless

Bridezilla moment I want to remember: hurling myself sobbing onto the couch when our photographer cancelled a month before the wedding, giving myself a well-deserved lump on the head in the process.

Bridezilla moment I want to forget: constantly nagging Eric. He has been the best boyfriend for 13 years, and he is the best husband I could possibly ask for. I would go through the whole process and marry him again tomorrow.

Awesomeness of the past week on a scale of 1-10: 11