Take Sarah (please!), for example. Look what she sends me on, like, December 10th:
Really Sarah, you should try to send your gifts a little earlier next year. You really put the "pro" in procrastination this time. Seriously, if I open my door and find gifts from you after, say, November 30th, there will be consequences. I'm counting on you to set an example for others. Sheesh. And don't think I can be distracted from your extreme tardiness by cute things from Muji. I am not playing around.
Next, from Vickie:
Vickie clearly did not do her homework on this one. The materials from which this book is made are NOT edible. I found that out the hard way. Vickie, next time you send me something I might want to eat, just make cookies, okay? Thanks.
If I was the paranoid type, I would wonder if Emily was stalking either my J.Crew shopping cart or my yarn basket:
Stay tuned for more about the yarn!I'm sleeping with one eye open, Emily. I don't trust you anymore. By the way, I sent those cupcakes to the FBI for further analysis. Red velvet, eh? Nice try.
Then some crafty bitch named Nicole sent me these:
You know, Nicole, I have feelings. Martha Stewart hurts them enough. I don't need you showing me up all the time. I thought we were friends. Handmade lavender sachets may be very handy for repelling moths from my growing yarn stash, but what about my pride?
(I would like to give a final shout-out to my dear husband Eric for teaching me how to use Photoshop. He may regret it some day.)
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