Christmas Gift Shout-Out Part 2

I probably dropped about 10,000 hints that I wanted these for Christmas:


I may have also threatened a major delay in post-Christmas sweater knitting if I did not find them under the tree.

I can be a little overbearing when it comes to Christmas gifts. Eric puts up with a lot.

Whatever bad karma I may have accumulated in the process was totally worth it.


I may have already reached Nirvana anyway.

The Commitment Sweater

There is a somewhat foolish, but well documented, knitting superstition that you should never knit a sweater for your significant other before you are married or you will break up. One can only imagine the pitfalls for knitters in same-sex relationships, though I guess it would be one more argument in favor of legalizing gay marriage-- as if there weren't enough. And of course, we all know that people never break up after they are married.

Ever since I learned to knit, Eric has periodically mentioned his desire for a sweater. In the beginning, fear of such an undertaking caused me to refuse, but in the past couple of years I admit to feigning belief in the infamous Sweater Curse in an attempt to nudge along a marriage proposal. For shame.

So I have the requisite skills. Now I am legally wed. Hence, the Commitment Sweater. I have been planning this magnum opus since I started becoming confident in my knitting skills, but it didn't begin to really take shape until this fall. I have been searching for just the right pattern and just the right yarn. I have done hours of research on Ravelry. Now I'm ready to start!

Eric is probably unusual among husbands in that he actually likes going to yarn stores. We made a couple of trips together so that I could get a feel for his color and texture preferences. We're both excited about this:

Berroco Ultra Alpaca in Mahogony Mix. Yum.

I always planned to make a seamless sweater-- sewing gives me the willies-- and I had initially decided on a pattern for a top-down raglan. With a 50% alpaca content, my yarn of choice does not behave well at 4.5 stitches per inch, the gauge called for in said pattern. Too much drape, too much stretch. I realized I needed a more open-ended pattern.

Early in my knitting career, my mother bought me The Sweater Workshop by Jacqueline Fee. Again, I don't think I was quite ready for the idea of knitting sweaters. Additionally, the sweaters shown in the book have a distinctly 80s look, which might be cool in 2009, but has never been my cup of tea. Sorry Mom.

Flash forward to 2009. I need a sweater pattern that can be adapted to any yarn and any size. At some point I gave away The Sweater Workshop, which teaches you to make such a sweater (crap crap crap). From somewhere in the depths of my memory, I recall the name Elizabeth Zimmermann. Don't tell any knitters that I may have forgotten her name. She's something of a knitting goddess, or was one. In knitting circles, she goes by EZ.

I checked out Knitting Without Tears from the library. I don't feel I can approach a decent description of how entertaining and useful this book is. Besides, many many many people have already done so. In it, EZ describes five ways to make a seamless sweater, using your own yarn and measurements. I say describes, because they aren't really patterns so much as very chatty formulas. This part scares me a bit, because I like the security of a pattern that tells you exactly what to do. But you trust in EZ kind of like you trust in Jesus.

So I'm going to take the plunge today. I already have my gauge sample:

Washed and blocked-- I'm such a good little knitter

Now to cast on 242 stitches!

Dibs

Christmas Gift Shout-Out

You know, friends can be such jerks sometimes.

Take Sarah (please!), for example. Look what she sends me on, like, December 10th:


Really Sarah, you should try to send your gifts a little earlier next year. You really put the "pro" in procrastination this time. Seriously, if I open my door and find gifts from you after, say, November 30th, there will be consequences. I'm counting on you to set an example for others. Sheesh. And don't think I can be distracted from your extreme tardiness by cute things from Muji. I am not playing around.

Next, from Vickie:


Vickie clearly did not do her homework on this one. The materials from which this book is made are NOT edible. I found that out the hard way. Vickie, next time you send me something I might want to eat, just make cookies, okay? Thanks.

If I was the paranoid type, I would wonder if Emily was stalking either my J.Crew shopping cart or my yarn basket:

Stay tuned for more about the yarn!

I'm sleeping with one eye open, Emily. I don't trust you anymore. By the way, I sent those cupcakes to the FBI for further analysis. Red velvet, eh? Nice try.

Then some crafty bitch named Nicole sent me these:


You know, Nicole, I have feelings. Martha Stewart hurts them enough. I don't need you showing me up all the time. I thought we were friends. Handmade lavender sachets may be very handy for repelling moths from my growing yarn stash, but what about my pride?

(I would like to give a final shout-out to my dear husband Eric for teaching me how to use Photoshop. He may regret it some day.)

Christmas Knitting

I started out with big ambitious plans to make felted slippers for my family and all of my inlaws. I ended up making only three pairs, which I gave to my parents and my brother.

Check out before:

Note that cat is shown for scale purposes only.

She wanted to model, really!

I have very docile cats. Do not try this at home

And after:


It's like shrinky dinks for grown-ups! I admit I had my doubts that they would actually shrink to the correct size, especially since I only have access to a front-loading washer. They are still a tad baggy in the toes-- the red ones are a bit reminiscent of Ronald McDonald. This may be because my family members all wear half sizes. Had I perhaps made the instep 1/2" shorter, they'd probably fit perfectly. For a first felting project, I'm pretty stoked with how they turned out-- and my parents and brother were appropriately baffled when they opened the ginormous socks.

As it turns out, I was unable to resist putting my newly-acquired Continental knitting skills to the test in a little display of newlywed cuteness:

And since we are equal in all things:

Isn't it adorable when stockings cuddle?

WTF

No way

Confession

I bought the boots. Eric gave me permission. They are el-fabuloso. Penance: no "gifts" for myself until January. Or maybe never. We'll see.

Black Friday

I divided my time on Turkey Day between earning 7.5 hours of time and 1/2 at work (with very little visible effort) and hanging with the Candelores. I did some secretive and profitable snooping in their bedrooms and now know all of their shoe sizes. I'm such a clever girl.

Today they're taking me to lunch and possibly the movies (Coco Before Chanel) if the Old Port shops do not beckon too fiercely. I am truly thankful to live so close to my family, even when they mercilessly gang up on me in Settlers of Catan. I still won, by the way.

In Knitting News (Knews?), I am making felting swatches for the infamous slipper death march I'm about to start. I also discovered Brioche Stitch-- well, I didn't discover it so much as try it, and it is fantastic. I find it so fascinating and European. A Brioche stitch shawl in a light-as-air silk/mohair blend would be divine.

Post-vacation hangover

If I may quote that fount of wisdom and one-liners, Hedwig Schmidt, "Travel exhausts me." We left Vieques yesterday at noon and didn't arrive home until around 9PM. I think it may have erased much of the benefit of a week spent sitting on various idyllic deserted beaches-- I know, white people problems, right? It was my first time on a tropical island, and I feel somewhat conflicted about the whole experience. Maybe I'm just not cut out for the laid-back island lifestyle. And there is certainly little use for warm woolen hand-knits in the Caribbean.

I was quite successful in my knitting mission and am now fairly proficient at Continental knitting. The real test will be two-color stranding with yarn in EACH hand. Alas, I shall have to postpone such feats of skill for another time, for the holidays are upon us, I'm feeling poor, and there are presents to be made. I have decided on felted slippers for my family and in-laws... holy shit, I have in-laws.

Every holiday season, the same thing occurs. I fall in love with an expensive coat or pair of boots at the same time I have to buy presents for everyone. I remain coat- and boot-less. This year is even more pathetic given the money shelled out for wedding and honeymoon. There is no WAY I am getting these (for example):


Yes, they are perfect, yes they are on sale, but no, I have to buy a bunch of presents for other people, most of which are unneeded and unwanted, in exchange for things I neither want nor need. Bah humbug.

At least Patons yarn is both $4.99 a skein AND perfect for felting. I have eight pairs to make, so I'd better get cracking.

Tropical Wool

I'm heading to Vieques, PR on Sunday, with brief stopover in Cambridge to visit the lovely Miss Emily and celebrate her birthday. My project for the week (other than reapplying SPF 70 q2h) will be teaching myself to knit with the yarn held in my left hand. I have two skeins of Patons Classic Wool (which will eventually become felted slippers) and lots of laid-back beach time to practice.

Capital Improvements

I'm making some major additions to my knitting toolbox, courtesy of ebay. My favorite knitting needles on earth, the Addi Turbos, are quite expensive (up to $20/set at my local yarn store) and my collection has been growing very slowly. This is partly because I'm saving up for a set of Addi Click interchangeable circulars and I don't want to duplicate sizes, and partly because I have only recently realized the absolute necessity of having many different sizes available. The Addi Click set does not include 16" cables, so I decided to go hog wild and buy all the 16" sizes I was lacking-- for less than 50% retail! I try to support my LYS as much as possible, but $20 for a single cable needle is too much-- the shop lady even apologized to me last time I came to visit.

I'm in the planning phase of another major improvement to my knitting infrastructure-- a dedicated knitting corner in my bedroom. This will ideally include a dresser to hold my yarn stash and needles, a nice comfy chair and a good lamp-- hopefully the craigslist furniture section will come through for me. Eric is tired of finding my works-in-progress all over the apartment.

Reboot

Back in July, in the grip of wedding-planning-induced psychosis, I made the drastic and (it seemed at the time) necessary decision to take a blogging hiatus until I was legally married. Now I reap what I have sown-- one post since becoming Mrs. Chapman. It was a damn good post, I might add, but still.

I really do enjoy recording the minutiae of my life-- life, after all, is mostly minutiae. Living, it seems, has gotten in the way of recording. The past month has been one of the happiest of my life. Life is very full right now and also very uncomplicated. I wake up each day feeling like I know what I must do with my time, and, miraculously, I just DO it, without grumbling or guilt. I have been without this kind of clarity for a long time.

One thing I have been doing a lot of is knitting. I have six projects right now! Three are pretty much finished, one is nearly so, and two are in infancy. Over the past year, knitting has become more than a hobby-- more like a full-time obsession. I knit at work and wish knitting was my job. I rarely sit down without yarn in my hands. I'm getting a bit anxious because I don't have a project to bring on vacation with me in two weeks. Scary.

So I think I'm going to make knitting the focus of this blog for a while and see what happens. Since I don't have many readers, there's not much to lose. Fair enough?

Mrs. Chapman (if you're nasty)

Yes, I have been waiting months to use that title-- my apologies to JJ.

So I done got married this weekend. You can find most of the details here (Thanks, Sarah! My brain is not yet back in blogging mode and as of yet I have no pictures to share-- yours are lovely!)

Here's my Harper's Index version of the wedding:

Weather forecast for the day: Rain, at times DRENCHING (Weather gods evidently did NOT receive my burnt offerings-- next time I'll use FedEx.)

My mood, in spite of indifferent and uncooperative deities: ecstatic

Items I forgot to pack: rain coat, cell phone charger, deodorant, Eric's wedding band

Number of single-malts consumed at the Top of the East by my male relatives before the ceremony: 4-5

Percentage of eligible ladies my Dude of Honor busted moves on: 100

Number of phone numbers collected by the Dude: 1

Number of guests who missed the bus: 2

Percentage of my heart that broke when I realized this: >5, though it was quickly repaired when I saw them at the reception

Seconds after telling myself "I'm going to get through this without crying" that I started crying: about 3

Number of times I yelled "Rigatoni" during and after the ceremony: lost count

Bites of (gorgeous and delicious) wedding cake consumed: 1

Pounds of (gorgeous and delicious) wedding cake left over: approximately 150

Number of songs added to my playlist by the Mad Bitches: 8

Percentage of those songs played at the reception: 100%

Personal favorite: "Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe

Wardrobe malfunctions: 0, despite vigorous booty-shaking

It's not a party without: Dude of Honor booting on the head table, mother of the bride dancing suggestively and unironically to "Bitch" by the Rolling Stones, stepmother-in-law teaching my friends to pole dance

Number of brides at the Top of the East later that night (not including myself): 2

Number who turned down my invitation to a dance-off: 2

Comment that has surely earned me my place in Hell: "Yeah, they'll all be divorced in 6 months anyway!"

So "Did we or didn't we?": yes, yes we did

Best $50 ever spent: Fuji Instax camera

Approximate value of the Fuji Instax photographs in my guest book: priceless

Bridezilla moment I want to remember: hurling myself sobbing onto the couch when our photographer cancelled a month before the wedding, giving myself a well-deserved lump on the head in the process.

Bridezilla moment I want to forget: constantly nagging Eric. He has been the best boyfriend for 13 years, and he is the best husband I could possibly ask for. I would go through the whole process and marry him again tomorrow.

Awesomeness of the past week on a scale of 1-10: 11

Hiatus

My wedding is less than three months away. It's summer. I've tried-- ok, not really, but I've felt guilty about it, which requires about the same amount of energy-- but I'm going to have to admit that this blog is not a priority in my life right now. I'm officially taking a break until October-- any objections? Thought not.

Dear Interns

Today's your big day! You may not have known this, but July 1st is also a special day for nurses at teaching hospitals. It's something of an unofficial holiday. The brand spanking new residents are now on the job and today's the day we start breaking them in. I got to do some recon during my ACLS class Monday and Tuesday-- some random observations:

• You are all so young and precocious! I can tell how smart, conscientious, and ambitious you are just by looking at you! I would like to take pictures of you secretly and send them to your mothers so they can die happy.
  
• Surgery residents: it's really too soon for you to look so bitter and uptight and act so cold and haughty. Were you born that way? Also, are you allowed to wear anything but OR scrubs and long white lab coats? And are you allowed to sit with the other residents, or will you become contaminated?
  
• Many of you have that air of capability. I would like to to be on call this weekend, please.
• Some of you seem uncomfortable giving orders. Don't worry-- we're happy making up our own.
• A few of you seemed cocky. I don't like cocky. Few people do. Please know what you're doing or I will develop an intense dislike for you. Some nurse with bigger ones than I have will soon rip you a new one. I will probably just call you at 3AM because my patient wants a stool softener.
  

Anyway, welcome and good luck. We usually have food on R7, so feel free to come visit and get to know us. If we know you, you are less likely to end up with an embarrassing nickname like "Mini Pony."

Love,

Aimee

P.S. I'm not joking. See if you can guess which one of your colleagues is Mini Pony.

Fulfillment

The past week has been just lovely, despite my struggles with the transverse abominus.

• I have spent part of every day outside, thanks to fabulous weather.
  
• Last Saturday I got PTO-- we went to a belly-dance performance (the best people-watching experience I have had in months) and out for a drink at the Top of the East.
• Sunday we hiked Mount Cutler in Hiram-- an old favorite.
• Friday we met some old high school friends for a night out in the Old Port. Turns out nothing gets people crazy in Portland like that John Denver classic "Take Me Home, Country Roads"
• Yesterday we hiked Mount Jackson in the White Mountains of NH with Chip, my dear friend Alicia's husband. I have not been on top of a 4,000 foot mountain in a long time. Along the Appalachian Trail in NH are a series of "huts" where you can have a hot meal and a shower at the end of a long hike-- we stopped at one of these for a bit yesterday, and now I think I'd like to make a week-long trip next summer hiking hut-to-hut.
  

Weak and pathetic

Lesson for the day: three months of Core Fusion three times a week does not equal core strength. Two weeks ago I strained my back lifting a patient-- I'm pretty familiar with this injury now, as this is now the fourth occurrence. It's been almost a whole year since my last injury, which I attribute to more rigorous ab work.

Since this is my fourth lower back injury-- I should add that none of them have been serious-- the helpful NP at employee health suggested I could benefit from physical therapy to strengthen my core. I went along with the idea, pretty sure that physical therapy would pronounce me fit and strong as a proverbial fiddle. Pride goeth before a fall, as they say.

Today was my first PT session. The therapist had lay on the table with a pressure biofeedback pillow-- a kind of fancy blood pressure cuff for physical therapists-- under the small of my back. I was instructed to suck in my belly button and then kick my feet one at a time while keeping the manometer needle stable. This sounds easy but is laughably difficult. Turns out, I'm weak in my transverse abdominus (I'm renaming it the transverse abominus). The PT did give me an A for effort-- as in, I know what I'm supposed to do, I just can't do it. Great. Now I have to do this and some other exercises for 15 minutes a day.

Now I'm spending way too much time worrying about whether or not I'm sucking in my belly button correctly. If you see me with that faraway look on my face, I'm probably practicing. Maybe that explains Paris Hilton's vacant stare-- she's working her transverse abominus! I'll try not to do this while I'm driving-- I promise.

New leaf

According to my ledger book, May was a long and expensive month. I spent a lot of money and didn't blog much. So this month, I'm going to try to spend less and blog more. I write this as I sit beside an unopened box from Marais USA that contains these:
(They have a wedge heel that is not visible in this picture. I want to marry them. Sorry Eric.)

I also have a box of returns to send to J.Crew tomorrow. Oh, what a good girl am I.

Today I slept like it was my job-- 9AM-4PM! If there is a God, then thank you, God.

Eight new/old books (and one I already had-- oops)

May is whizzing by, and I'm not sticking to my reading list. I can't even find Gilead. It was really good, too. Damn.

I acquired the following from Cunningham's and Crow Books (in Portland and Burlington, respectively):

• The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton (currently reading, but I left it at work, and now I'm home sick with my third freaking cold of 2009. Fuck.)
  
• The Good Soldier by Ford Madox Ford
• Out of Africa by Isak Dinesen
• Vineland by Thomas Pynchon
• A Month in the Country by J.L. Carr (turns out I have this already-- ok, I knew I had this already, but I had to have the NYRB Classics edition. Anyone want to read a very lovely short novel?)
• Will You Please Be Quiet, Please? by Raymond Carver
• The Hill Bachelors by William Trevor-- have to shout out Nicole for giving me my first William Trevor book Cheating at Canasta. He effing rocks.
• Other Voices, Other Rooms by Truman Capote.
  
• By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept by Elizabeth Smart. Love the title.

I have two crates of books to sell at Yes Books-- this weekend, I hope. I'm going to try very hard to take the check rather than store credit.

Catching up with my whirlwind life

• We bought a Toyota Corolla on Saturday. Silver.
  
• Baked more chocolate chip cookies... am becoming obsessed. I want to make some with the chipotle-flavored chocolate discs they had at The Cheese Iron in Scarborough (we went there for the first time on Saturday... I think I'm in love).
  
• Caught up with my brother and his post-graduation plans on Sunday.
  
• Almost finished my mom's gift.
• On Monday, took the preceptor class at work-- funny because I was "orienting" a nurse on Saturday night that has waaaaay more experience than me.
• Succumbed to more used-book temptation at Cunningham's.
• Made a relatively painless trip to the BMV this morning. This afternoon I get our residential parking sticker and we're good to go for car-related stuff.
• Had a lovely run around Back Cove after my trip to the BMV.
  
• Work the next three, then VT on Friday for some Leunig's, Beansie's, German Cabaret, and other good times with our friend Johnny.
  

Happy place

A day without work is not unvaryingly a great day-- a PTO day unvaryingly is. PTO has to be the best acronym on the face of the earth. For those not in the medical/shift work line, PTO is when they call you at 5:30PM and tell you to stay home for the night-- after you have woken at 4PM, washed dishes, and worked out in anticipation of work. So the deck is clear for whatever spontaneous good times may be rolling by:

• A trip to the beach in glorious weather. It rained hard about the time I got out of bed today, but the clouds were gone by the time Eric came home and I got my call out. We headed to Kettle Cove. We had the place almost entirely to ourselves. Maine really is a wonderful place sometimes.
  
• The open flag was flying at the Kettle Cove Dairy Bar. Opening day! Sweet! My favorite place to indulge (sensibly-- I always get the kiddie cone) in creamy goodness while rolling my eyes (discreetly) at the Mercedes station-wagon set.
• Sipping tea, blogging, and waiting patiently for my spinach frittata (courtesy of Chef Eric)-- which beats the bejesus out of working. AND I get to sleep TWICE today!
  

So, nothing could really add any luster to the day, besides the acquisition of something expensive and adorable... that arrived in my mailbox today:


No those are not my feet. And yes, while searching for this image, I found 4+ other pairs of shoes that I may die without. These are now sold out in my size, so I feel vindicated in yielding so readily to temptation.

Mission(s) accomplished

Looking back on Wednesday's to-do list:

• Post every day: okay, I missed Friday. And twice I resorted to starting a post one day and finishing later so it would look like I had made daily entries. It's hard to write every day. Plenty of topics present themselves, but the writing itself is hard.
  
• Rid my apartment of some excess baggage: there are neatly categorized piles and boxes in my bedroom awaiting Freecycle, Yes Books, and the consignment shop.
  
• Possibly purchase some new baggage on an IKEA pilgrimage: nope. Maybe in June.
• Get my save the dates sorted and work on my wedding info blog: I really should have sent save the dates no later than April. Now they will probably go out late May. But I have a design and designer picked out! And she's going to try and add the motif from the card to a blog template!
  
• Knit like CRAZY: crazy is such a relative term. Like, "My relatives are crazy!" But I digress. I finished Vickie's gift, started a Mother's Day gift, and purchased yarn for Sarah's b-day present (Sarah, I fear it will not be ready in time for the big day). It's hard to knit and read Jane Austen at the same time, despite the potential awesomeness of combining them.
  
• Attend various cultural events: See yesterday's post. We also went Art Walking on Friday and caught up with some of our artistic-dynamo friends at their art show. And ate at Green Elephant, without which no First Friday is complete. Mmmm. Green Elephant.
• Drink lots of wine: three glasses. Three. Boo!

Flashback

As I mentioned Wednesday, my agenda for the week included attending a poetry reading at my former high school. It was a lovely thing, so far from my ordinary nights out, though now that I have thought about it, the kind of thing I used to do frequently in high school. My dear, recently reacquainted-with friend Alicia is a fierce and talented poet. It was thrilling to hear her read/perform her work. Being back in the T.A. library was a bit disorienting, rather like accidentally finding forgotten pictures of yourself taken years ago. Your own life goes on changing, and the life of a school goes on, practically unchanged, without you after you have left.

I met a few people there that I hadn't seen in a long time, including a former teacher. He was
there as part of the poetry group, reading his work. I think I vaguely knew that he wrote poetry when I was his student, but had never heard or read any of it. Most of it was about Vietnam-- hilarious, sad, angry, laced with profanity. He did point out a number of times that it wasn't HIS profanity, mostly quotations from drill sargeants and fellow G.I.s. I think he was trying to preserve decorum in front of so many former students. He has not lost the habit of interrupting himself reading every so often to expand upon a particular word or follow a tangent or fill in background information, a habit I remember well from English class and play practice.

So many people I knew in high school are still pursuing their music/art/poetry/writing in a big way. To stick with these things outside of the built-in audience of teachers and classrooms-- it amazes me and shames me a bit. This whole world still exists where people remember me as an actress and remind me of poems I wrote how many years ago-- I kind of brushed up against it again. It's pretty comfortable here off stage, writing about ugly shoes and knitting to entertain myself and a few of my friends. How much harder to make things without regard to getting paid or even having a crowd show up to see or hear you.

Lazy/productive weekend

I must have forgot to put "sleep at least 9 hours per night" on my to do list for the week. I've been in bed by 10PM every night and up at 7 or 8AM. This is weird because I usually get 7-7.5 hours/sleep on working days. Granted, I wake up for 1-2 minutes every few hours when I sleep during the day. Usually because there are cat whiskers trembling mere centimeters from my face.

Yesterday we ran some errands-- finally got to the post office with Vickie's present, went to the yarn store, dropped off my new jeans to be hemmed-- and test-drove some new cars. I have never had a new car, and now it looks as though I will very soon. We have a 12-year-old Saab that we bought from my parents five years ago. We probably will buy a Honda Civic.

So I was shopping for sensible cars while my coworkers were sleeping off their hangovers. I know this because of Facebook. [Sigh] Being an adult is so interesting from the inside.

I also attacked the water stains on my couch today! One of my feline friends is somewhat bulimic of late and decided our couch, the only piece of brand-new, expensive, and difficult to clean furniture that we own, would be an excellent place to purge in the middle of the night. Fortunately, my other feline friend saw fit to consume most of what the other one left-- I can't believe I let these guys cuddle with me in my bed. Anyway, I wiped the couch down with cool water (thanks, Google), and when it dried, it left some lovely water stains. Every time I see those stains I yell at the cat, which probably doesn't help her bulimia much. So today I blasted those babies with my hair dryer. Good times.

But it wasn't all fun and games at my apartment this weekend. We had some friends over this evening and between the four of us we drank a bottle of wine! And played Settlers of Catan! And ate vegan chocolate cupcakes! Crazy!

Oh, and I'm reading Pride and Prejudice again. Just stick a fork in me now, I'm done.

Thoughts while running

People keep asking me if I have lost weight, or, more presumptuously, telling me I've lost weight. I guess I'm supposed to take this as a compliment. Why not just say, "You're looking good", or "You're looking pretty fine there, sexy lady" (if you must)? That's the route I usually take-- and I never, NEVER ask when someone is due.

In a country where more than half the population is overweight/obese, being thin (or thinner than you were previously) is somehow amazing and exceptional. People want to know what diet you're on, or what you do for exercise, or they speculate that you must be one of those (despicable) people who can eat whatever they want and never gain weight. Imagine asking a fat person what they ate to get so big, or whether they just sat on the couch all day, or saying "You must be one of those people who can't lose weight no matter what you do." Rude, right?

This makes me uncomfortable because I'm not officially on a diet or trying to lose weight. I don't weigh myself. But I recently bought jeans two sizes smaller than I previously wore-- and yes, I did rejoice, privately, in the dressing room. I blame/thank the following:

• I have been avoiding sweets. I try to only eat them on the weekends or on special days. I have done this with a varying degree of success since last fall. This is for health/sanity reasons. I'm a nicer person when I eat less sugar, and I found that after a few weeks I didn't really miss it.
  
• I stopped stuffing myself, mostly because I hate the feeling of overeating. I stop eating when I'm full.
  
• Since I started working nights, I have been able to exercise 5-6 times a week. When I was working days and nights, 3-4 workouts was the best I could manage. It just seemed unnatural to get up at 4AM to go for a run. When I wake up at 4PM, it feels perfectly normal to work out before going to work at 6:30.
  
• Core Fusion. I have never believed in workout videos before this. The first time I did it, I thought my ass was going to just give up and fall off of my body. I was actually laughing at how hard some of the exercises were. It's still challenging three months later. Today I'm calling to cancel my gym membership. Seriously.
  
• I have some kind of cancer that I don't know about yet. Less plausible given the above, but you never know. It would be a fun retort next time someone tells me I've lost weight ("especially in your face!")-- "Thanks, I have cancer!"

I wish I could say I was immune to body anxiety. Full length mirrors and cameras have not been my favorite things in the past. There's only so much truth you can face before you just decide to ignore it-- I think that's how people end up weighing 300+ pounds. This line of thought makes me uncomfortable because I've never really been overweight. I just felt like I was. It's easy to say this is crazy now that I'm smaller.

It's also easier to make healthy choices when you like yourself. Running has been a huge boost to my self-esteem. I'm a pretty crappy runner, to tell the truth, but every time I finish my pathetic three miles, I feel like a bad ass, especially when the temperature is 25 or 85. Forcing yourself to endure the discomfort is an achievement in itself. It has nothing to do with looking good in a bikini.

Near the end of my usual running route, I pass by Cumberland Farms, a low-rent gas station/convenience store. You can count on a finding a selection of Portland's more colorful residents gathered there at any one time, so I was surprised to meet one of my favorite coworkers on Thursday as I was finishing my run. I stopped for a few minutes, and what do you think we started talking about? "You've lost weight, haven't you?" D'oh! "Yeah, everyone keeps saying that. I guess I have." "You can tell, especially in your face." Oh, sweet Jesus, am I going gaunt? Will I need cheek implants like Madonna? "I guess I should take that as a compliment." "Well, you look good." Should I tell her about the cancer? "Thanks."

Jolie laide (or pretty-ugly)

I love the French-- they manage to make a back-handed compliment sound enchanting. I am trying to branch out from ballet flats, and lately I have become obsessed with slightly ugly shoes. I'm not talking extremely unattractive (i.e. high-heeled gladiator sandals or peep-toe ankle boots). Right now I'm attracted to shoes that are very low-key, almost dowdy, plain, and a bit clunky. Just this side of flattering:


Those ARE little star-shaped cut outs on the sides. I love the combination of girlish/mannish. Not sure I could pull these off with a skirt-- they might be too high-cut on the ankle.


These may be a bit too orthopedic-- I think the white heel saves them.

These are too pretty! Not sure how these ended up here. I just love them. I wish they didn't cost $300. Why?


Now here's a dowdy shoe. Unadorned. Clunky heel. Love it.


I may actually die without these. I have a pair of ankle boots with 4.5" heels. I can wear them for about 10 minutes. These look perfect.

Holiday

I have eight days off! Actually, it's seven full days, two half days (today and next Thursday) and eight nights. Bliss! I plan to:

• Post every day
• Rid my apartment of some excess baggage
• Possibly purchase some new baggage on an IKEA pilgrimage
  
• Get my save the dates sorted out and work on my wedding info blog
• Knit like CRAZY. Vickie's present is almost done, then there's Mother's day and Sarah's birthday right around the corner. I will trot off to the yarn store tomorrow like a good girl.
  
• Attend various cultural events. Tomorrow a poetry reading at T.A. and Friday some art openings.
  
• Drink lots of wine

It will be heaven on earth to sleep at night for a whole week-- though I have to admit taking a perverse pleasure in sleeping during the day. My bed is calling to me-- I'm going to resist it for another hour and get some exercise so I can be utterly lazy and pointless tonight.

Ok, ok

8 things I'm looking forward to

• My wedding in October
• My honeymoon in November (Vieques, PR)
• My trip to SF in August
• My trip to VT in two weeks!
  
• Baking more chocolate chip cookies this afternoon
• Mother's Day 5k (after working Saturday night!)
• My eight-day stretch of days off starting Wednesday
• Summer

8 things I did yesterday

• Fell out of my shoes on the way home from dinner (technically this happened Friday, but it's too priceless not to mention-- I have hideous painful scraped knees to show for it)
• Watched Minnie Cat bounce off the window screen
• Finished one of Vickie's extremely belated birthday gifts-- I promise I'll have them in the mail before the end of April!
• Ate a very bad veggie burger at Gritty's while sitting out on the patio-- spring is finally here!
• Bought a second pair of matchstick jeans and an adorable skirt at J.Crew in Freeport
• Read about the different moral underpinnings of liberals and conservatives
• Walked around Wolf's Neck Woods-- for about 15 minutes. It is not quite mini skirt weather, it turns out.
  
• Watched three episodes of MI5 on Netflix

8 things I wish I could do

• Apply mascara without smudging it into my eyelid every g-d time
  
• Sew
• Get rid of 50% of my material possessions
  
• Decide whether or not I want kids
• Be frugal consistently
• Stop complaining
• Spend a year travelling
• Write a novel

8 things I can do well

• Bake
• Cook
• Knit
• Form opinions
• Choose gifts
• Catheterize female patients
• Make scathing remarks
• Give directions

8 shows I watch (mostly on DVD/internets)

• The Biggest Loser-- don't judge me
• The Amazing Race
• MI5 (Matthew Macfadyen is dreamy)
• The Wire
• Six Feet Under
• Deadwood
• The Daily Show
• anything involving makeovers sucks me right in-- good thing I don't have cable

8 favorite places I've been

• Bay Area
• Rome
• Paris
• Montreal
  
• Portland, OR
  
• The old IA building at Thornton Academy
• Pratt House and Sewall House, Williams College
• Ok, Maine. Whatever.
  

8 things I covet

• A.P.C.
• J.Crew ballet flats
• NYRB Classics
• Cheez-its
• Dark chocolate
• Independent wealth
• Wine
• The European lifestyle
  

Cute overload

This is Hannah's Lucille baby set:

Back in the kitchen

Eric has been the chef in our house since late February, but I am still the domestic goddess. Behold:

Spring!

Enjoying it by:

• Having a very satisfying run on the Back Cove trail. I passed a man singing along with his iPod operatically, with arms flung wide. I think it was Nine Inch Nails, but it could have been Christian Rock of some nature. Not quite sure.
• Reading and knitting in the car with Eric at Fort Williams. We shared some bread and cheese (and hot pepper jelly).
• Opening the windows and turning off the heat. And then closing the windows again after 10 minutes. Turns out it's not that warm yet. And the cats can't handle the added stimuli.

I'm lazy, therefore I link

• Wish Hannaford had these
• Yuck
• I will be making this, minus the vinyl letters
• Mmmm, homemade yogurt
• Not sure J.A. would approve
• I want to be her
  

Hopelessly addicted to trashy TV

My Biggest Loser habit is not really a secret, but I have to confess feeling a bit embarrassed about switching my schedule two weeks in a row so I could have Tuesday night off. That said-- it's Makeover Night!

Waiting for laundry to be done post

Yeah, keep your expectations low. 

• Hannah's sweater is finished. If Eric had found me a digital camera of my very own, there would be a picture. If I ever get in touch with Karen, maybe there will be a picture of Hannah wearing it.
• My mom just dumped in front of me eight boxes of stuff I have been storing at her house since high school. Hello, Freecycle.
• We may be having our wedding dinner at Evangeline!!!
• I just watched Dateline-- like I said, I'm waiting for laundry to be done, don't judge me-- and they were profiling women who met a 300-pound, homeless, gambling-addicted scam artist on MillionaireMatch.com. Two of them gave him over $10,000 each, and now they're best friends. Can you imagine their conversations?
• Strangely enough, I also read about the website SeekingArrangement.com today. Thinking about this gives me profound spiritual depression. 

And now my laundry is done. 

Heading south?

Portland, ME just made #1 on Forbes magazine's list of most livable cities. This is pretty funny because Baltimore, MD, Des Moines, IA, and Harrisburg, PA also made the list. I'm guessing climate was not factored in to the rankings-- winter in New England is awful, especially for someone (me) whose wardrobe revolves around ballet flats. In summer, temperatures range from "wear two sweaters" to "my it's warm in here, let's put on the fan". When the weather is truly beautiful, there are 8 million tourists clogging all the best places to enjoy truly beautiful weather-- and you can't upset them, they finance the entire state. Eric and I frequently discuss moving elsewhere-- but where to start? The lovely and talented Sarah has presented her top ten reasons we should move south-- specifically to the Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area. This deserves a point-by-point response!

10. I will bow to the superiority of a short winter. I'm a bit worried about "long, sultry summer nights"-- after your wedding in May 2006, I spent an hour straddling the air conditioner in my hotel room. Humidity and my hair do not get along. But who am I kidding, it was 38 degrees here today! That is just plain wrong.

9. I have been a cardiac nurse at the same hospital for almost three years, and before that I was in nursing school. I haven't really experienced the wide world of nursing. To be truthful, I'm a bit nervous about leaving the safe cocoon of my floor. I love the people I work with, we have a great manager, the work is generally pretty clean, and we have plentiful staff. People talk about the nursing shortage like it's just a matter of training more nurses, but there are some pretty scary places to work out there. I would have to do some thorough research of the available options.

8. To be honest, I don't get out much, though I frequently bemoan the lack of things to do around here and mock the idea of Portland as a cultural Mecca. But self-professed cultural Meccas and university towns tend to attract the thoughtful, book-reading people I enjoy spending time with (and mocking-- what can I say?). It makes me worry less about Southern-fried Bible-thumpers. And Eric's job is portable!

7. COL is a big topic around the kitchen table here. Not that we're poor. Just cheap. Cheap and curmudgeonly. Are you sure you want us moving near you?

6. Ok, so Portland is also (amusingly) referred to as "The San Francisco of the East Coast" because of the ridiculous number of restaurants per capita. The food scene is pretty much the only scene that deserves the name in these parts. Eating out is a year-round sport. In my opinion, the "New American Comfort Food" genre is WAY over-represented-- please do not charge $20 for meatloaf and expect me not to mock you! But if I must be separated from Green Elephant, Evangeline, Cinque Terre, Silly's, Flatbread, Hot Suppa and Local 188, there had better be some dining options-- game on.

5. Um, I live in Maine. AKA, natural beauty capital of the USA. Polar fleece capital of the USA. People move here so they can kayak more. If I cared a great deal about outdoor activities, I could not ask for a better place to live. And I would wear ballet flats less frequently. I do enjoy running outdoors. It would be funny to run on a tobacco trail with you. But let's be honest-- I'm more of an indoor person.

4. Farmer's markets kick ass. I would LOVE to live somewhere with a year-round farmer's market. You're winning me over!

3. Ok, now you're talking-- though A.P.C. is more my taste/fantasy. I could happily spend a lot of time in Anthropologie, even though I have never purchased anything there that I didn't return after having second thoughts.

2. I can't argue with 60-70 degree weather in April. Now you're just showing off. And biscuits? Below the belt, Sarah. I'm ashamed of you.

1. Do you promise?

So we'll see. If I go forward with my plans for grad school, I may need to look out of state for a job-- Maine has more NPs than jobs for them. In the meantime, would you like company?

Pizza and Fort Williams are totally ruined for me

The former I consumed just before succumbing to last month's GI virus. And the latter... let's just say that people (strange men) should LOCK the g-d door when they use the Porta Potty. 'Nuf said?

Let's hope my delicate sensibilities recover. I can probably live without pizza-- it's quite easy in a city of such mediocre pizza as Portland-- but I'm supposed to get MARRIED at Fort Williams. I'm not sure I can make sacred vows there after what I've seen.

Burgeoning knitting anxieties

• Is it okay that I didn't exactly follow the instructions for the Lucille baby bonnet?! Should I rip it and start over?!
  
• Will I make it to the yarn store before the weekend to get my Louet gems wound into balls?! Should I buy my own swift and ball winder?!
• Will Addi ever make a set of Turbo Lace interchangeables?! Should I give in and start buying the bigger sizes?!
  

Kicking my ass since January

I heart

I hab a code

Reading list

In a bid to find something good to read AND save money, I have pulled the following off my own bookshelves, where they sat neglected:

• A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf
• The Right to Useful Unemployment by Ivan Illich (and I'm still working my way through Deschooling Society)
• Trieste and the Meaning of Nowhere by Jan Morris
• Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
• The Optimist's Daughter by Eudora Welty (who has possibly the greatest name ever)
• Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi
• Gilead by Marilynne Robinson
• The Post-Office Girl by Stefan Zweig (which I mostly finished a couple of months ago)

This all sounds terribly high-minded, given the intense desire to re-read Harry Potter that came upon me last night.

April fool

I'm going to get serious about updates this month. I'm talking daily. Let's begin with the past two weeks:

• The locally-endemic GI virus kicked my ass two weeks ago. Woke up at 5:45PM feeling awful and tried to go to work anyway. Eric had to practically carry me home two hours later. Fortunately, I get to keep my night bonus-- my boss is so lovely.
  
• Honeymoon is planned. Wedding, not so much.
• "Finished" Lucille sweater-- still have to weave in ends. Ugh.
• J. Crew outlet trip yielded a pair of perfectly-fitting matchstick jeans (thanks, GI virus!) and two fabulous short-sleeved cashmere cardigans of ridiculous softness.
  

Knitting updates

• Lucille sweater is about 1/3 finished-- though that's before I rip back and restart the sleeves!
• Bought some GORGEOUS Louet Gems for an as-yet-undetermined birthday present for Vickie.
• I discovered Addi Turbo (and Addi Turbo Lace!) needles and I am now obsessed. I'm buying up all the small sizes and praying for an improvement to the Addi Clicks so I can have interchangeable Addis!
• The Drop-Stitch Scarf has been sadly neglected. I think I may have lost the pattern, too!
  

Knitting updates

• Nicole received the finished Alpaca purse!
• Hannah's Lucille is making me lose my mind
• I have temporarily abandoned the drop-stitch scarf, sadly it will not be finished in time for Alicia's b-day

My suitcase went to Puerto Rico but I did not

Worshipping:

Knitting updates (with lots of exclamations!)

• Mostly finished with the alpaca purse-- in a stroke of genius I am making the ties from tiny 2-stitch i-cords!
• Unravelled two old J.Crew cashmere sweaters-- piles of yarn!
• Started the vertical drop-stitch shawl using the yarn leftover from the Muir shawl
• Purchased more Canopy Fingering to make baby gifts for Hannah!
  

Random Reading

My method of choosing books lately is to go to a used book store and comb through the fiction section until I have a stack of things that look good. Today's haul:

• Anil's Ghost by Michael Ondaatje
• The Keep by Jennifer Egan
• The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas-- with funny cartoons on the jacket
• Alfred and Guinevere by James Schuyler (from the NYRB Classics series-- I snatch up these books whenever I see them)
• A Sea of Words-- a companion to the Aubrey-Maturin series, which I adore
  

Recent developments

• My mother is WAY more excited about my wedding than I am
• Minnie the cat has a slipped patella
• I can't figure out what government body has authority over Kettle Cove in Cape Elizabeth
  
• I'm working on a trinity-stitch purse in Canopy Fingering baby alpaca by the Fiber Company-- so yummy
• I joined Ravelry
• Eric and I have been playing Zelda obsessively
• Emily & Andrew are coming to visit next weekend!!
  

2 miles @ 26°F = so hardcore

Though the last 0.5 mile did almost kill me...

Dreaming of

2009 goals

Don't call them resolutions:

• Relax-- good enough is better than perfect
• Get out of the house more
  
• Improve my running-- I don't care about going faster, but I want to run more often
• Knit
• Get married
  

Experimental hat now off needles

I have been trying to figure out this hat since Jan. 2008. My latest attempt came out pretty well, and I certainly did my homework-- gauge samples, complex math, charting out the decreases. I did not fully understand the SSP stitch when I started my decreases, but I don't think it made much of a difference. The problem is the size-- it's too big to be a beanie, and too small to be a beret. It just doesn't know what it wants to be, and I can't decide if want to keep it (I don't have a hat, after all) or take it apart-- and if I take it apart, I'm not sure if I want to remake it in a smaller size as a beanie or go the beret route. My solution was to move on to a new project.

I had a very scary dream last night about the end of the world

Eagerly awaiting

Either my apartment is not child-friendly, or my life is not

2008 recap in no particular order

• Thought seriously about buying a house, but decided not to-- no regrets there
  
• Spent ages looking for a new apartment and hours on Apartment Therapy
• Bought my first piece of real furniture, which now belongs to my cats
• Survived a mass exodus at work
• Got engaged, finally
• Made this
• Skipped my ten-year high school reunion, but reunited with some people I really missed
• As a corollary, became addicted to Facebook
• Read Bleak House and almost all of the Aubrey/Maturin novels, as well as many many other things
  
• Learned to play tennis-- poorly, but with great enthusiasm